WWF Monday Night RAW (March 21, 1994)

Original Airdate: March 21, 1994

From Poughkeepsie, New York; Your Hosts are Vince McMahon and Randy Savage.

Opening Match: The Quebecers v The Bushwhackers: Special stipulation: whomever scores the pinfall gets the opponents first name as his last name. The 'Whackers threaten manager Johnny Polo before the bell, giving us some great Vince lines like, 'Polo on his knees now!' and 'Oooh, looks like the Quebecers pulling out!' Hey, the thirteen year old in me was laughing, fuck you and your 'maturity.' Brawl to start, and the 'Whackers control with their usual goofy tactics (see: ass biting). Jacques officially starts with Luke, but Butch screws up a double-team, and gets decked like his nickname is 'Dynamite.' Butch tries a side-headlock, as we spot Nikolai Volkoff in the crowd again - still wearing his one and only suit, and chatting with Vlad the Superfan. Luke wins a criss cross with a shoulderblock on Jacques, and the 'Whackers work in their usual tandem stuff. Jacques manages to slam Luke for a tag, but Pierre gets quickly overwhelmed (by their stench, I assume), and worked over. The Quebecers settle into a heat segment by cutting the ring in half on Luke with their far-superior doubles stuff, but Pierre misses a kneedrop off the middle rope, and Butch gets the tag. He's an outhouse of fire, and the 'Whackers hit the Battering Ram on both guys - only for Polo to take a cheap shot, and Pierre to finish Butch with a high knee at 13:22. So, I guess that makes him Pierre Butch from now on. Way too long, and made everyone involved look bad, to boot. You'd think it would make the Quebecers look all the better, but the Bushwhackers were so terrible, that everything they threw at them looked terrible by association. –¼*

Lou Albano comes down to challenge The Quebecers on behalf of a mystery team he is now managing. He's a crazy old man, so they laugh, and accept. Man, they took forever getting around to this angle... it was last May that they were teasing Albano's return as manager for the Headshrinkers. Well, can't say he didn't properly vet them, at least

WrestleMania X Encore promo

With April 15 just around the corner, IRS lists his top reasons why you shouldn't dare cheat on your taxes. You know, just once, I'd love it if some opponent refuted IRS' claims of them being tax cheats by simply bringing their air-tight books down to the ring, and having him check them. Frankly, the fact that they're so eager to fight him makes me wonder about them

Tatanka v Chris Hammrick: Tatanka dominates through a criss cross, and hits a nice backdrop, followed by a cross corner whip. Another one sets up a side suplex, and another criss cross allows Hammrick to take his eye-popping trademark bump, where he tries a dropkick, and ends up flying through the ropes for a crash landing on the floor. Crazy! Tatanka brings him back in with a slingshot, as we take a replay of Hammrick's insane bumping. And he pulled that shit in nearly EVERY MATCH! Tatanka with a hanging vertical suplex, and a powerslam. Bodyslam, and Tatanka does some token arm work before showing him the End of the Trail at 4:45. Standard squash stuff, but Hammrick's awesome selling of everything made it quite entertaining. ¾*

Todd Pettengill recaps WrestleMania weekend

Diesel v Ken Lucia: Diesel with a diving shoulderblock right away, and works a headvise, as the announcers insinuate that Randy Savage fucked Rhonda Shear after WrestleMania. Randy: 'Hey Rhonda, how was it baby?' That's quite a step down from Elizabeth, frankly, but sometimes you takes what you can gets. Diesel with a sidewalk slam, and the snake-eyes follow. Big boot, and the Jackknife (finally named, and sold as a finisher) wrap things up at 2:25. ¼*

Vince McMahon brings new WWF Champion Bret Hart down for an in-ring interview. They recap WrestleMania X, and of course, discuss the fact that Bret may be the new champion, but he was pinned by his brother Owen last night too. Bret's down for a rematch. Hey, that might be good! Hopefully they book it

Cute RAW Girl Sign of the Week: I Like Sushi 'Case It's RAW

Jeff Jarrett v Koko B. Ware: Jeff struts after winning a lockup with an armdrag, as Vince and Randy compete to see who can suck Burt Reynolds' dick better. Gotta go Vince here, as he falls all over himself telling us how he's 'just a regular guy!' Anyway, Jeff with a hiptoss, but Koko fires back, and Jarrett stalls. Jeff with a dropkick, and a snap suplex, followed by a bodyslam. Another slam, but a 2^nd rope fistdrop misses, and Koko hits a pair of shoulderblocks, followed by a dropkick. Bodyslam and an elbowdrop get one, but he puts his head down during a criss cross, and gets DDTd at 5:03. Afterwards, Jarrett jumps out to the floor to threaten Randy Savage, and it turns into a brawl to close the show. Decent match, but nothing particularly memorable. ¾*

WWF Greetings on Call ad. Oh God, I wanted to do that so badly as a kid. I was a stupid kid, in case that wasn’t clear

BUExperience: There’s a couple of better than usual squash matches, but the opener really kills this one for me, and along with the lack of anything notable happening the night after one of the greatest pay per views of all time, I’d say this is a loser of an episode.