HITMAN383 Rant for WWF WrestleMania X8

- The HITMAN383 Rant for WWF WrestleMania X-8, and Heat. I didn’t particularly care for this show the first time around (outside of the Hogan/Rock match), and I’m not particularly excited to watch it again, but let’s give it a go anyway. (This one was originally written on October 3, 2002 and has the distinction of being the penultimate rant I did as HITMAN383, and the second to last that I would do until almost exactly 10 years later, when I launched BUExperience in October 2012)

- BTW, I use this system:
***** - Excellent,
**** - Great,
*** - Good,
**- Okay,
* - Decent,
DUD – Nothing Match.

- Live from Toronto, Canada (Skydome, drawing 68,237 and a 1.60 buyrate).

- Your Hosts are Michael Cole and Tazz.

- Cool “This is WrestleMania” promo to start.

- Anyway, the whole show is essentially all last-minute hype for WrestleMania, and does exactly what it should: pump you up for the big show. Nothing much to cover, however, so lets skip ahead to the only match of Heat.

- Six Man Tag Team Match: Mr. Perfect, Test, & Lance Storm vs. Rikishi, Scotty 2 Hotty, & Albert: Storm and Albert start, and Albert press slams him into a powerbomb for two. Scotty takes in, and takes a dropkick, and Test tags in. He goes to work, hitting a cross corner clothesline. Storm’s in, and a slugfest ensues. Lance wins, and slams him. 2nd rope elbow misses, however, and Hennig tags in. So does Rikishi, and he backdrops him. Rikishi takes everyone out, but eats Storm superkick, so Scotty bulldogs Lance, and worms him. That lets Test big boot him, so Albert sit-down powerbombs him, so Hennig knocks HIM out. That allows Rikishi to avalanche Curt, and stinkface him. Superkick, and the butt splash finish at 3:06. Really fast-paced match, that normally wouldn’t really be much, but everyone seemed to pumped up to be there, that it felt like a better match than it was. *. (I really enjoyed seeing Perfect back home in 2002, but other than that, I remember nothing about this)

- And now, WrestleMania XVIII, The One And Only. (Man, I just wouldn’t get on board with that whole ‘X-7; X8’) concept. Roman numerals, or GTFO)

- Your Hosts are Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler.

- Another great WrestleMania promo, where the wrestlers talk about WrestleMania, and why it’s so big.

- Opening WWF Intercontinental Title Match: William Regal vs. Rob Van Dam: What’s with WWF IC title WrestleMania openers in the last two years? And William Regal in them? Has the title been demoted THAT much? (Oh, just wait) Rob looks in absolute awe, and rightly so. He also has what I am calling the “WrestleMania bug,” which means he’s so excited to be there, that he’s doing everything at 2x the pace, and with over exuberance. Proving my point, he hits the moonsault, and the spinkick moments in. Second spinkick misses, but a springboard sidekick doesn’t. Frogsplash misses, and Regal hits a high knee for a series of two counts. Criss cross allows Rob a bodypress for two, and a backslide for two. William takes him down, however, and then suplexes him for two. RVD with a backdrop, but Regal hits a VICIOUS Regal-cutter for two. That was just BRUTAL. Rob with a superkick, as we see that Regal is bleeding from the mouth. Obviously, Rob is just so fucking stiff. (Rob is more sloppy than stiff. Regal is stiff) Powerbomb by Regal for two, so RVD small packages him for two. Regal lariats him, as a result, and tries a butterfly suplex, but Van Dam dropkicks him. Monkey flip (flippy floppy style), and Rob does another DUMB ASS flippy move, so Regal hits a nelson slam, dropping him right on his pot head. Well, hopefully THAT will stop his flipping. Inside, Regal gets the knux, but the ref takes them. He gets the backups, however, so RVD kicks him, and hits the frogsplash for the title at 6:19. Totally okay match, although I don’t like Rob’s flippy-floopy style, and I never will. (Still don’t) ** ¼.

- WWF European Title Match: Diamond Dallas Page vs. Christian: This was a pretty thrown together match/feud, with Christian turning on DDP only six days before this show. Some might say that that’s a BIT rushed. Christian jumps him on the way in, and kicks away. Criss cross allows Page to hammer away, and hit a poor tilt-a-whirl stomach breaker. To the floor, Page feeds him the rail, and then offers him seconds. The ring serves as desert, and inside, he goes for the ten-punch count, but gets stun gunned. Christian pounds him for a while, and goes for the abdominal stretch. Reverse DDT to the knee gets two, and he goes upstairs. DDP slams him off, however, and hits the sit-down powerbomb for a near fall. Diamond Cutter, but Christian escapes with a reverse DDT for two. DDP cradles him for two, and then hits the Diamond Cutter for the pin at 6:10. Totally dull match, although the end was a little better. ½*.

- Backstage, Rock and Jon Coachman do a hilarious interview bit about prayer, and Hulk Hogan. (What up, G?)

- WWF Hardcore Title Match: Maven vs. Goldust: Goldust unloads the plunder to start, and jumps the young champion. He kicks his ass on the outside, with Maven EARNING his money in the bump department, and we go inside. Goldust with a ill-timed slingshot, and Maven misses a dropkick by two feet, but Goldust sells it anyway. Inside cradle for two, so Goldust hits a neckbreaker for two. Goldust uses some weaponry to control, boring the hell out of me. For those who couldn’t tell, I HATE the weaponry. Double trash can lid shot puts both men out, so Spike Dudley runs out to pin Maven at 3:17 to win the title. Yawn. Total DUD. Crash Holly then runs out, and chases Dudley out into the crowd. Yawn again.

- Drowning Pool (a band) comes out to play a song about the WWF Title Match tonight. What a waste of time!

- Backstage, Crash beats up Spike, but Spike manages to escape, only to get love tapped by The Hurricane, who pins him for the title at 0:55. Okay.

- Kurt Angle vs. Kane: Poor Kurt. He’s one of the best guys in the whole promotion (in-ring, and on the mic), but in lieu of something actually INTERESTING to do, he’s stuck fighting the big red retard. Angle jumps him with the bell to start, and hammers away. Slugfest won by Kane (well, duh), so Angle German suplexes him. He kicks away, but Kane comes back with some kicks of his own. Oh, this is breathtaking offense. Choke toss hits, but he walks into Angle’s awesome overhead belly to belly. I love Kurt Angle’s suplexes. Side suplex gets two, and he goes to a front facelock. Kane throws him off to escape, and hits a sidewalk slam. Suplex, but Kurt reverses, and hits the rolling Germans, getting two. Flying clothesline hits (although I think the plan was for it to miss), so Kurt does it again, this time getting nailed on the way down. Yes, he repeated the spot, but it looked fine. As if it was supposed to be that way, but he “went to the well once too often,” as Gorilla Monsoon might say. Big boot by Kane, and a backdrop. Corner clothesline, and a tilt-a-whirl powerslam for two. Chokeslam gets two, so he goes for the tombstone, but Kurt reverses into the Angle slam for two. Anklelock, but Kane makes the ropes, and then fights his way up into the enzuiguri. Kane goes upstairs, but Kurt RUNS up the ropes like Rocky Balboa on a stairwell, and belly-to-bellies him off. IMPRESSIVE! Chokeslam, but Kurt rolls through (although they messed up, and Kurt had to re-mount him for the cover) and gets the pin at 10:51. Decent enough match (all thanks to Angle, of course), if pointless. * ¾.

- Backstage, Hurricane runs around with his newly won title, but upsets the Godfather’s hoes, and gets chased off by the big man. This was pointless.

- The Undertaker vs. Ric Flair: Brawl to start, with Flair actually controlling. To the floor, Flair beats the ‘Taker up behind the announce table, just for the shits of it. (‘Just for the shits of it?’ Really? Were the kids actually saying that in 2002, or am I just a moron?) He gets caught by the big man, however, and eats post. Back inside, they slug it out, which ‘Taker easily wins. He lays in the beating, and Flair takes his flip (which he actually messes up on the first attempt), and gets dumped. Man, you know Flair is past his prime when he can’t do the fucking FLAIR FLIP properly. (Just you wait…) Outside, Flair juices. Inside more of the same. Yawn. Flair comes back with a series of chops, but takes the flop after a hard cross corner clothesline. Upstairs, Undertaker actually does a super-duperplex. Good for him. It gets only two, however, as ‘Taker pulls him up. UT continues to abuse Flair, but gets slammed off during the ropewalk forearm. He still manages a sidewalk slam for two, but misses the big boot. Man, he becomes more like Kevin Nash every single day. Flair dumps him, and now Undertaker bleeds after some pipe/cookie sheet shots. Back in, UT tries a chokeslam, but gets kicked down low. Figure four time, and the crowd goes nuts! UT breaks, however, and hits his chokeslam for two. He takes the referee out, for reasons unbeknownst to me, but runs right into Arn Anderson’s picture perfect spinebuster! That gives Flair two, so UT throws Arn in for a beating. He delivers it, but there’s Flair with a chair! He goes to town, but walks into the big boot. Powerbomb, but Flair keeps countering, so he hits the tombstone to finish at 18:47. Who the fuck decided to give these two nineteen minutes?!? This match warranted NINE minutes, maybe, but never NINETEEN! ¼*. (Too long, but it was better than I’m giving it credit for here, and I corrected myself in the BUExperience)

- Booker T vs. Edge: If I remember correctly, this feud was over shampoo. Slugfest to start, won by Booker (because he’s black?), but Edge wins a criss cross with a dropkick. Diamond cutter gets two, but Booker hits a stungun. Spinkick gets two, and Booker goes upstairs. Missile dropkick gets two, and a slingshot spinebuster gets two. Up top again, but this time Booker gets crotched. Fucked up rana off the top looks to hurt Booker, but he seems okay to continue. Criss cross allows Edge a spin heel kick, and a reverse faceslam gets two. Flying heel kick gets two, so Booker hits a spider sunset flip for two. Superkick, and the axe kick gets two. Edge comes back with a spear for two, and a jumping DDT puts Booker away at 6:28. Okay-ish, but it seemed more like a collection of spots than an actual match. **.

- Backstage, Hurricane keeps gloating about his title, but Molly Holly whacks him with a frying pan to win the title at 0:42.

- Steve Austin vs. Scott Hall: Reason #1 why Steve Austin is no longer on WWF TV. Brawl to start, ending with Austin stomping a mudhole. Back elbow, and Austin lays in the chops! Criss cross allows Austin the Thesz press, and he feeds Hall about 30 helpings of turnbuckle. Man, if he didn’t feel drunk BEFORE the match, he sure will now. To the floor, Austin continues the assault, but back inside, Hall catches him with a clothesline. That gets two, and a cross corner whip (into an exposed turnbuckle) follows. Scott dumps the rattlesnake, and there’s Nash to lay in the boots. Back in, series of cross corner clotheslines lead to a blockbuster slam for two. Short arm clothesline gets two, and the Outsiders play the old “cheap shots behind the refs back” game. That goes on for a bit, but Steve manages to hit a spinebuster. It only serves to slow down Hall, however, as he keeps up his assault. Stunner out of nowhere gets two, as Nash pulls the referee out. He runs in to beat on Austin, but Austin comes back with stunners for both men! Another referee runs in to count two, but again Nash stops it. Austin kills him dead, but Hall is there to hook in the Edge. Steve sees it coming, however, and backdrops him to the floor. Good bump, there. In again, Hall hits his OWN stunner for two. Man, you KNOW it’s WrestleMania when everyone is hitting everyone else’s finishers. Anyway, that only serves to piss Austin off more, so he hits two straight stunners to put away the drunk at 9:52. ¾*, and Austin’s worst WrestleMania match, ever. (This was such a weird period for Austin. 2002 should have been a glory run for him with guys like Hogan, Brock, and Nash (and even Hall, if done right), but just wasn’t, for a variety of reasons. Thankfully, he hung ‘em up the next year)

- WWF Tag Team Title Four Corners Match: Billy & Chuck vs. The Dudley Boyz vs. The Hardy Boyz vs. Acolytes: Oh, this has “classic” written all over it. “Classic mistake,” that is. Big brawl to start, naturally, but it settles into Chuck vs. Bradshaw. Billy interferes at will, however, and helps Chuck do a bodypress for two. Bradshaw hits a side suplex, and tags Faarooq in. Chuck manages to dominate him, however, and he tags Billy in. He gets powerslammed, however, and in comes Bradshaw. DDT gets two, so Billy tags D-Von in. The Dudleyz and the Acolytes brawl, and Bradshaw falls prey to the Dudley Death Drop to get rid of THEM at 3:25. Rood riddance. The Hardyz run in, and clean house on both remaining teams. The Dudley’s get the tables, but get a double baseball slide to the face for their efforts. Hardy with a corkscrew, but Stacey distracts him, only to get spanked. Bubba and Billy team up to hit the Doomsday Device on Jeff, but Dudley quickly turns on him with a full-nelson slam. Bubba makes Jeff his bitch for a long while (which Jeff probably enjoyed anyway), until Matt gets the lukewarm tag. He cleans house, and a 2nd rope legdrop gets two on Bubba. D-Von bumps off the top, through a table, and the swanton finishes Bubba at 11:48. Chuck superkicks everything in sight for two, and everyone brawls. Swanton on Chuck, but Billy hits the Fameasser for two. Billy REALLY gets sick of Jeff now, and a shot with the tag belt finishes his atrocity at 13:50. What a mess this match was. DUD.  (Ugh, this match was horrible. I remember nearly crying of boredom while watching it during the BUExperience)

- Backstage, Hogan tells the nWo to stay out of his match.

- Also backstage, Christian takes Molly out with a door, and wins the Hardcore title at 0:25.

- Hulk Hogan vs. The Rock: This was the only reason I even BOUGHT this show, so it was make-or-break time, in terms of getting my money’s worth. Hogan gets a huge face reaction upon his entrance, despite being the heel. (There’s the understatement of the year. Who am I? Jim Ross?) And the Rock, despite being the face, actually draws boos on the way out. Hey, HulkaMania lives, whatchya gonna do? Staredown to start, as the crowd seems to combust with excitement. Hogan shoves Rock off out of a tie-up, and the place just explodes for it. Hogan seems genuinely shocked, as does Rocky. Lock up again, Hogan goes into a standing side headlock, and then shoulderblocks the Rock down, once again popping the crowd BIG. Hogan goes to work, and a big clothesline grounds the Rock. Criss cross allows Rock a jumping clothesline, and the crowd RABIDLY boos him. Slugfest goes Rock’s way, and Hogan bails out to regroup. Rock is on him, however, and rolls him right back in. Big clothesline draws boos, and he goes for the Rock Bottom, but Hogan elbows his way out. Running forearm smash hits, and the Hulk drops a series of elbows. Cross corner clothesline hits, but Rock spears him down, as the crowd nears a riot. Hogan comes back with a side suplex to calm them down, getting two, as J.R. discusses a “mixed reaction.” Yeah, my ass. Abdominal stretch by Hogan, and he rolls him up for two. What does he think this is? Japan? Back scratches actually gauge a big pop, so Rock starts beating him up in the corner, playing off the crowds boos. Hogan fires back with a chokeslam, and then just plain chokes the “peoples” champion. Criss cross allows Hogan to dump Miavia, and feed him some steel steps. He serves up some railing for desert, but Rock hates eating alone, gives Hogan a taste of table. Back inside, the ref gets bumped out of a criss cross, and Rock hits the spinebuster. Sharpshooter, and Hogan makes the ropes, but there’s no referee. Rock won’t release, but then realizes he can’t win without a ref either, so he goes to revive him. That allows Hulk a low blow, and the Rock Bottom gets two. The belt comes off, and he beats the Rock with that for a while. Rock comes back with a DDT, and uses the belt to his own advantage. Rock Bottom gets two, and it’s hulk-up time! The crowd just goes INSANE for this shit, and Hogan hits the big boot. Legdrop, but it only gets two! Second legdrop misses, and Rock hits the Bottom again! Another one, and Hogan actually jobs to the People’s elbow at 16:23. The match could not have been more than **, but the crowd was going just INSANE, and so was I. Live on PPV, I was pulling for Hogan like crazy, and some of my friends who attended the show live said that the feeling was undesirable. (I meant ‘indescribable,’ obviously, though I think ‘undesirable’ might sum up what happened next) This is an undeniable classic, in the nature of Hogan vs. Andre, and lives up to all the hype, and gave me my money’s worth. Afterwards, Hogan offers Rock a handshake, and does the right thing by endorsing him. That draws the Outsiders down to complain, and Hogan officially dumps the nWo, and joins the good side. That leaves him and the Rock to pose, and all we need is “Real American” to really cap off the segment. Unfortunately, we don’t get it, but this was still an incredible segment. (Still one of those matches I can watch a dozen more times, just because the crowd is THAT insane to watch and listen to)

- Howard Finkel announces that WrestleMania has set the new Skydome attendance record with 68,237.

- WWF Womens Title Triple Threat Match: Jazz vs. Trish Stratus vs. Lita: Man, this match has NO business following The Rock vs. Hogan. (Actually, it does, as the crowd needs a cool down match after that. Unfortunately, 68,237 people left it ALL out there with that one, and had nothing left for the main event) Brawl to start, which seems to be the theme tonight. The girls team up on Jazz, but she’s JUST TOO GHETTO, and beats them both up. Legdrop gets two on Lita, and a butterfly suplex follows. Lita comes back with a monkey flip, and a flying headscissors. Angle slam gets two, so Jazz hits a stungun. She tries a superplex, but Trish stops it, and rolls her up for two. Lita with a flying bodypress, but Trish rolls through for two. Trish bulldogs the redhead for two, but Jazz is right there to splash Lita for two. The girls run through the usual “spot hits, other competitor stops the fall” routine, until Jazz hits a super-Hennigplex on Lita to finish at 6:15. This was just a collection of spots, but still decent. *.

- Backstage, Christian gets in his limo, but Maven rolls him up to win the hardcore title at 0:28.

- Main Event: Undisputed World Title Match: Chris Jericho vs. Triple H: How THIS is the main event, I still don’t know, considering you had Rock/Hogan RIGHT THERE. (To be fair, even both guys have since admitted that going on last was a mistake. I don’t think anybody could have predicted THAT strong a reception for Hogan, or where they would end up going with it next) Jericho uses his speed to start, and gets at the bad left leg. Hunter comes back with a backdrop, and a couple of short arm clotheslines. Chops try to turn the tide, but HHH is right there with the knee to the face. Backdrop leaves the challenger on the floor, and Jericho heads upstairs, but Hunter slams him off into the rail. The spot barely even gets a pop, which just shows you how the game has changed. Had this been 1992, let’s say, the crowd would be going insane for that. Suplex out there, so Chris goes at the leg again, then rolls him in. He works the leg, but HHH comes back with a spear, to no pop. Man, putting this after Rock/Hogan really WAS a mistake. My friends in attendance told me that some of the crowd was actually LEAVING during this match, since they really come for Rock/Hogan. (Well, traffic congestion appreciated the booking, anyway) Anyway, Hunter decides to go to the leg, too, and hooks a figure four, but Stephanie rakes the eyes to break. HHH nails her in revenge, and tries the pedigree, but Jericho catches him with a missile dropkick. More leg work, until Jericho misses a lariat, and takes a neckbreaker. That gets two, and a facebuster follows. Spinebuster spot gets fucked up, so HHH tries again, and drives him for two. To the floor, Jericho takes over again, and tries the Walls on a table. That fails, so Triple H tries the pedigree, only to get backdropped through another table. Well, it wouldn’t be a WWF main event without it. Inside, Lionsault gets a pair of twos. Walls, but HHH fights it again, and tries another pedigree, only to get hooked into the Walls anyway! Crowd pops for that (hey, we are in Canada), but HHH makes the ropes. Jericho grabs a chair, but gets it kicked in his face, and HHH DDT’s him on it for two. Stephanie gets a chair, too, but the referee stops her, and HHH pedigrees her for her troubles. That takes long enough for Chris to whack HHH with the chair, and he tries a pedigree. Slingshot counters, so Jericho springboards off the middle rope, only to get caught in the pedigree to give Hunter the title at 18:41. Well, that was quite the ending sequence. That match was okay-good, and the match of the night (workrate wise), but that’s not saying much at this show. ** ¾.

- Bottom Line: This is a pretty historic show (the first WrestleMania after the WWF/WCW/ECW unification), and you’d think that alone would produce some of the best wrestling ever. Instead, it’s one of the worst ‘Manias, but The Rock vs. Hulk Hogan match certainly helps get some love for the card, and keep it out of the trash. That match alone is the only reason I would ever recommend watching the show, otherwise, stay away. (Twelve years later, and all anyone remembers about this show is Rock/Hogan anyway)

- Very Mildly Recommended.