- The HITMAN383 Rant for WWF/Coliseum Video’s WrestleFest
’94. Like I mentioned in my “MORE Saturday Night’s Main Event” rant, I bought
this at a little mom and pop store here in New York City. I’ve heard good things about
the Harts/Steiner’s match, so lets see how it holds up, shall we? (This
was originally written in 2000)
- Quick Poll Question: I have ECW Extreme Evolution,
and am considering doing a rant on that, but I’m not sure. I’ll leave it up to
you, the readers. Do you want a rant of it? E-mail me at HITMAN383@aol.com
- BTW, I use this system: ***** - Excellent, **** - Great,
*** - Good, **- Okay, * - Decent, DUD - Awful.
- The theme here is that Randy Savage is in his walk-in
closet, where he has all his crazy outfits, and is giving out fashion tips,
while hosting the tape. (That alone sounds like it’s worth finding
this for. Now I’m really eager to get around to doing a BUExperience on this one)
- Randy Savage vs. Rick Martel: The crowd is solidly
behind Savage here, which makes me question Vince’s decision to make him a
commentator. They do some false tie ups a few times to start off, and Martel
slaps Savage across the face, and then bails. Doesn’t Stan Lane say “brother” a lot? (Not
compared to some people) Savage chases, but Martel keeps ducking him,
and when Savage is about to catch him, the Model puts on the boots. He
showboats, so Savage decks him to the floor, where Rick rests for a while. Back
in, and they do some AMAZING HEADLOCK SPOTS (!!), and the crowd is DEAD, except
when Savage does a move. Criss cross leads to Savage doing a backslide for two,
and Martel bails AGAIN! That’s getting REALLY OLD Rick. Martel cheats to win,
and dumps Savage to the floor. Suplex gets two for Martel, and he works the
back, which is smart because his hold (The Boston Crab) targets it. Randy gets
a small package out of nowhere, for two, and then hits a double ax to the
floor. It gets two, and Martel tries a blind charge, but misses, and Savage
goes for the big elbow, and we’re done at 9:21. Match was your typical Superstars
match from back in the day. ¾ *.
- Savage mocks IRS’s attire.
- WWF Tag Team Titles: Marty Jannetty and The 123 Kid vs.
The Headshrinkers: This is taped exclusively for this tape, so the chances
of the belts changing hands are slim. I mean, hell, they had the belts for
something like 10 days ANYWAY! Therefore, I guess this is from early January
’94. Kid is X-Pac, for those who don’t know, and looks NOTHING like he does
today. Samu starts with Marty, and they stall. Samu lays in with some Samoan
Violence, but Marty kicks him in the mush (hey, Gorilla’s commentating, so the
funny terms are all in my head), and then a criss cross leads to a fist drop by
Marty, and a dropkick to the floor. Fatu tags in (Rikishi), and Kid tags in, to
get his ass kicked. Powerslam gets two, and Kid sneaks out the back door (Hey,
I already explained the terms!). He gets a dropkick in to comeback, and a
springboard bodyblock to the floor. Remember when he DIDN’T suck? Marty gets
in, and superkicks Fatu. Samu distracts the former Rocker (still in Rocker
tights, BTW), allowing Fatu to clothesline him. Samu gets in, and uses his head
(literally). The Shrinkers do some mid-90’s heel cheating, and Marty plays
Ricky Morton. Marty (like an idiot) hits Samu’s head to the steps, and gets his
ass kicked for even trying! Fatu with a series of backbreakers for a two count,
and a superkick hits hard. Both guys tag, and Kid is a house of fire! They
double-team the Shrinkers, and Afa ends up getting in there, and Samoan Drop’s
the Kid. Samu covers and GETS THE PIN AT 9:22?!? The hand of Dusty plays a
part, however, as another ref. runs out and they reverse the decision. Okay
little match, actually, **. (Was this some sort of test run to see what
kind of reaction the ‘Shrinkers got for a title win, or just some standard non-committal
booking?)
- Savage talks some more. The man is REALLY a nut. What is
he smoking? Like I said, Vince should have let him be a wrestler, because he
QUITE CLEARLY isn’t cut out to be a commentator … ever!
- Men on a Mission
do a “Wrestlefest Rap.” Or WrestleFest Crap, if you prefer. Yeah, I care, too.
I rather listen to Randy Savage talk some more than Oscar rap. I read is
Wrestlecrap.com interview the other day, and he really thinks he’s a good
rapper, and was important to the WWF. He must be smoking the same stuff as
WCW’s booking committee earlier this year.
- Savage proves he isn’t a racist uttering “black is great”
about 100 times. Oh, he’s referring to the Undertaker’s wardrobe.
- Adam Bomb vs. The Undertaker: This is from that
little building in NYC that ECW plays in all the time. The WWF wasn’t ALWAYS
the 30,000 seat-filling conglomerate it is today. (Honestly, those smaller, more
intimate venues could be a great change of pace for them these days, especially
since all the show sets have looked identical for over ten years now) Bomb
gets a complete heat machine job (obvious one, too), tonight, and Johnny Polo
acts nothing like Raven. (Well, why would he? It’s a different
character entirely. That’s like putting on Meet the Parents and going, ‘well,
DeNiro is acting nothing like Travis Bickle tonight’) Bomb attacks the
‘Taker from behind, and dumps him to the outside. “Action” occurs. Back in, and
more of the same goes down. UT comes back, chokeslam, pin. Yawn, at 2:40. Polo
takes some abuse afterwards. I’d call it a ‘DUD,’ but this was REALLY
insulting. -***. BTW, very visible the whole time was a big “USA Network” sign.
Those were the days… (That was a reference to RAW jumping to TNN
in 2000)
- Savage critiques Jeff Jarrett’s attire.
- The Steiner Brothers vs. The Hart Brothers: OH
YEAH! I bought this whole tape on the merit of this match. It damn well better
rock, or I’ll be pissed at the $15.00 I spent on this. Bret and Scott start
off, and wrestle around. Scott still looks … normal. He locks a leg lock
(beauty too), and Bret wrestles out, but Scott turns it into a side headlock.
Criss cross leads to Bret bumping to the floor, and stalls out there. Bret
seems … off tonight, for some reason. Another criss cross allows Bret a two
count, and the Harts work Scott’s arm. He breaks out, however, and slams Owen,
then tags in Rick. Rick (when he DIDN’T suck) and Owen do a long, and nice,
wrestling sequence, and then a criss cross lead to a Steiner slam. BIG side
suplex gets two, and another wrestling sequence leads to Owen hitting a German
suplex for two. Scott gets in, and Owen hits a beautiful spin heel for two, and
a Hennig-plex for two. Scott wrestles him around, and hits a Tiger suplex for
two. Both tag out, and Bret still seems off, as they do some arm bar-ing, and
it clearly isn’t Rick’s idea. Crowd chants for the VERY over Bret Hart, and he
comes back with a headbutt, but misses an elbow. Back to the arm bar. It
actually turns into a nice little submission hold, and Bret escapes and dropkicks
him. Big DDT, and a legdrop by Bret. Bret gets a sleeper (was he sick or
something?), but Rick fights out, only to get put back in! Bret is also clearly
playing the heel here, even choking Steiner, and not breaking the hold. Odd to
see, considering Bret was a MAJOR babyface at the time. Gorilla tries to
compensate for it, but he’s not being a happy little babyface tonight. Suplex
by Hart, but the 2nd rope elbow hits the foot, and Rick hits the 2nd rope
bulldog for two. Bret takes his patented chest-first corner bump, and in comes
Scott for a tilt-a-whirl for two. Bret misses a blind charge off a reversal
sequence, and falls to the floor, but won’t get back in, so Scott tries to
suplex him, only to get suplexed to the floor himself! Bret rams him to the
apron out there, and they climb back in. Owen tagged in, and he hits a big top
rope headbutt to the back (which Bret just hurt), for two. Slam for two, and
Owen hooks an abdominal stretch, which Gorilla (rightly) points out won’t work
because of the size difference. Overhead belly to belly gets two for Owen, and
he tags Bret. Bret does a SWEET Russian leg sweep for two, and tags out. He
cheepshots Scott off a criss cross, allowing Owen a two count. Rick gets in,
and hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two, and a pancake for two. He tags,
and Scott hits a full-nelson suplex for two. These spots are pretty cool. Rick
gets back in, and hits a big Steiner-line for two, and tags Scott. Scott then
REALLY impresses me, setting up a vertical suplex, and turns it into a
piledriver! (AKA the Steiner Screwdriver) WHOA! Bret makes the save off
that, and Steiner dumps Owen. It proves to be a mistake as Owen slingshots him
to the floor, in a nice spot. Owen tags, and Bret goes to work. Flying
clothesline for two. 2nd rope elbow for two, and a headbutt sets up the
Sharpshooter, but Rick saves. Owen runs in and try’s one, so he gets hit too.
They try the big bulldog spot, but Bret stops it, and a brawl breaks out! Bret
and Rick bump to the floor, and then Scott and Owen go lucha and dive out too!
The ref. counts both teams out (unfortunately) at 24:57. However, the Steiners
are not pleased, and ask for the Harts to comeback, so they do, and a big brawl
breaks out, until the zebras pull them apart. The funniest thing of the whole
bit is Gorilla mocking Pat Patterson, and other older officials. Listening to
Monsoon yell, “BOY DID HE GET FAT!” is just funny. After all that, The Harts
are not pleased, and call the Steiners back in. More fighting occurs. They’re
pulled apart AGAIN, and then agree to shake hands, and make up. AWWWW. Well, it
wasn’t what I heard it was, and Bret seemed odd the whole match. The ending,
too, doesn’t help it, but it got really good after they got warmed up, and
lasted almost 25:00 minutes (!!). Call it, *** ¾. (This one is begging for another
look, and it will be covered once I resume the Coliseum Video Collection stuff)
- Savage makes fun of Yokozuna’s fat, and Car seat cover
tights.
- WWF Title: Yokozuna vs. Mr. Perfect: How the hell
is this from 1994? Hennig left around Survivor Series ’93, and didn’t make
another appearance until WrestleMania X, at which point Yoko wasn’t WWF champion.
This has to be late 1993. Yoko charges Hennig to start, but he moves and
hammers. A dropkick leaves Yoko on the outside, where he stays for a bit. A
long bit. He finally gets back in, and stalls some more, so Hennig works in a
low blow, but misses the dropkick that worked earlier. Big chop by Yoko, which
Curt (naturally) oversells. He continues the trend, overselling the rest of
Yoko’s offense. Nervehold time! He lets off uncharacteristically fast, and
tosses Hennig to the floor. He climbs back in, and Yoko keeps working him over.
Yoko misses a charge, and Hennig punches away, and does some Benoit-worthy
chops. 2nd rope clothesline takes the fat man down, but he whips Hennig to the
corner. Fuji
gets involved, and Yoko hits that charge, and then hits the Banzi Drop for the
win at 7:40. Decent little match, thanks ONLY to Mr. Perfect. *.
- Savage’s next fashion target: Bam Bam Bigalow. According
to the Macho Man, the Bammer is flaming.
- WWF Intercontinental Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Razor
Ramon: Shawn is the IC champion at this point (legitimately), meaning this
is 1993 again. This seems to be after SummerSlam ’93. Hey Shawn, when you wear
your pants that high, you look like a nerd. Trying to cover up a little gut
there, Mr. Michaels? They play mind games to start, and then do a nice little
wrestling sequence, won by Shawn. He tries a sunset flip, but Razor nails him,
and drops him to the floor. The crowd LOVES Razor at this point. They tie up,
and Shawn plays the headlock game, and a criss cross leads to Razor using a
slingshot, putting Michaels on the floor. Nice bump there. Hall gets him back
in quickly, but misses a charge and Michaels hits a flying clothesline. Razor
bails, and Diesel try’s to get some cheepshots in, but the ref. stops it, allowing
SHAWN to get in a shot. He works on the back, and doesn’t do much to impress
me, including a boring chinlock. Ramon escapes it, and the sequence they did at
the start of the WrestleMania X match ensues, ending the same way (Razor with a
chokeslam). It gets two. Slugfest won by Razor, and he whips Shawn to the
corner for a Flair Flip. Shawn tries to walk out of the match, and keep the
belt by CO, but the ref. declares that if he doesn’t comeback he loses the
belt. Ramon jumps him in the isle and whoops him back to the ring. Shawn begs
off, but no dice, as Razor goes on offense. Backdrop for two, but Michaels gets
a flying bodypress, which is rolled through by Ramon for a two count. Razor
then hits a quick fallaway slam for the pin, and the title at 11:19. However,
Shawn’s foot was on the bottom rope, so the match continues! Shawn hits a
superkick for two, and hammers on Razor, but Ramon gets him up in the Razor’s
Edge for a sure three, when Diesel pulls HBK out causing a DQ at 12:36. Ramon
sends the fans home happy, however, beating up both Shawn and Diesel with the
belt. Not on Ladder Match level but still good enough, ** ½.
- Jerry Lawler does a special edition of the ‘King’s Court’
for this video. For those that don’t know, this was Jerry Lawler’s little
interview show he did on RAW back in 1994. His guest is Bret Hart, but Jerry
had him sign a contract that he can’t attack the King. But before Jerry brings
ol’ Bret out, he spends five minutes making fun of him, but isn’t scared
because of the contract. Eventually, Bret makes his way out, and kicks Lawler’s
ass anyway! The crowd goes nuts the whole time, and Jerry runs like a little
girl. (This sounds pretty awesome, actually)
- Bret Hart vs. Diesel: This is also from 1993, as
Shawn is the IC champ. Gorilla gets weird, and goes on a rant on how stupid
Johnny Polo is, but makes an ass of himself in the process with this line,
“Polo you’re so dumb! You took an IQ test and scored a 52 on the Richter
Scale!” Lets see if Bret can carry him like he does EVERY other time they’ve
met. Diesel jumps him to start, and goes through some boring stuff on the
Hitman. He misses a knee to the corner, however, and Bret goes to work on it.
Shawn gets involved, and attacks Bret, turning the tide. Nash with a sidewalk
slam for two, and more offense, all at the speed of molasses. Anyone else think
Polo is the most underrated color commentator of that era? (Sounds about right. He wasn’t
the greatest by any means, but guys like Heenan, Lawler, and Ventura (in WCW) get
their due plenty, so certainly the most underrated) Bret gets a small
package out of nowhere for two, and kicks some big lazy ass. Series of
clotheslines gets two. Roll up gets two. Russian Leg Sweep for two. 2nd rope
elbow, and it’s Sharpshooter time! Diesel shows a BRAIN (?), and blocks the
hold, however. Shawn gets in, and holds Bret for Nash to hit, but it backfires
(DUH!), and Hart hooks the Sharpshooter, and HERE’S OWEN! He clobbers Bret
(while the ref. is attending to Shawn) and Nash gets the easy win at 10:08.
What is this, Royal Rumble 1995? Bret carried the whole thing, but isn’t a
miracle worker. ¾ *.
- Savage continues to act strange in his closet. He
complements Bret’s tights. Remember when they where selling him as a future
hall of fame member? (Again, this was in 2000, before the WWE resurrected
the HOF, and at
a time when it seemed like Bret would never, ever work with them again)
Savage is TRULY bonko’s. No doubt. If you could hear what he was saying here,
you’d agree, believe me.
- Bottom Line: Well, it’s a mixed bag. Besides Adam
Bomb/Undertaker, nothing is TOO insulting, however nothing is truly special.
With exception to the Harts/Steiners match. Shawn and Razor also put in an
effort, but aside from that what do you have? A basic Yokozuna squash? Savage
and Martel in a Superstars opening match? A lousy Bret Hart match with Diesel? Pretty
Much. However, I can’t outright not recommend this one, so we’ll go …
- VERY Mildly Recommended. Chalk
it up to me being a mark for 1994 in general. 
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.