HITMAN383 Rant for WWF Smackdown (April 4, 2002)

- The HITMAN383 Rant for WWF Smackdown, April 4, 2002. I attended this one live, so I feel like reviewing it, naturally. Also, if you have any tapes I could use to review, and want to send them over, please drop me a line. (Written within a day or two of airdate. And unlike that November 2000 episode, this one I vividly remember. In fact, this would be the last live show (outside of some Indy stuff) I would attend until Hell in a Cell in October 2013)

- As for the dark matches at this show, nothing was too inspired, but of note was that Chris from Tough Enough I competed against Rikishi. Rikishi won, obviously.

- BTW, I use this system:
***** - Excellent,
**** - Great,
*** - Good,
**- Okay,
* - Decent,
DUD – Nothing Match.

- Live from Rochester, New York

- Your Hosts are Michael Cole and Tazz

- Vince McMahon (backstage) starts us off by saying that Flair’s pick of Undertaker to face Triple H at Backlash for the WWF title breaks the agreement of the split, and HE gets to name the opponent tonight.

- Kurt Angle comes out, and wants the title shot at Backlash. That draws Chris Jericho out, also wanting the title shot. They have a war of words, which brings The Rock out, saying that not he, but Hulk Hogan should get the title shot. See, like twelve minutes covered in three sentences, what more could you want?

- Commercials

- Opening WWF Tag Team Title Match: Billy & Chuck vs. Scotty 2 Hotty & Albert: Scotty and Chuck start us off, and Scotty hits a neckbreaker for two. That sends Chuck running for comfort to Gunn, so Scotty rams his head into Billy’s nuts. Oh, that’s it, now they’re pissed off gay stereotypes! They kick Taylor’s ass, but Scotty superkicks Chucky. Hot tag to Albert (after TWO MINUTES of “action”!), and he powerslams Billy for two. Cross corner clothesline, and he calls for the worm, so Rico (The Stylist) gets involved. That keeps Albert busy on the floor, and in the confusion, Rico beautifully spinkicks Scotty, and Gunn gets the pin at 3:04. Afterwards, Scotty tries the worm on Rico, but Albert turns on him. Buzz me when you care. Terribly short match, but when it’s these four, maybe that’s not a bad thing. DUD.

- Commercials

- Backstage, Mark Lloyd (Who?) tries to find out Vince McMahon’s pick for #1 contender. He picks Hulk Hogan, which pops the crowd pretty nicely. That sends Jericho into a rage, however, which he responds to by challenging Rock to a match tonight.

- Commercials

- Christian vs. Diamond Dallas Page: Criss cross to start, won by a Page monkey flip. He clotheslines him to the floor, but gets snapped onto the ropes when he tries to follow. Christian with a Russian leg sweep for two, and he goes to the chinlock. At this point, myself, Mike Gallows and a couple other guys were attempting to start an “FU Jackal” chant, since the rest of the PCW crew had much better seats. It failed, however. (PCW was our backyard wrestling fed in those days. It was high school, fuck you) Anyway, Page with a sit-down powerbomb for two, but he gets hit with the reverse DDT to the knee. Shakespeare! Diamond Cutter, but Christian blocks, so DDP cradles him for two. That earns him another reverse DDT, getting two, and Christian has a tantrum. He still manages the reverse faceslam for the pin at 3:17, however. Quick, but fully decent little match up. *.

- Backstage, Edge shows Kurt Angle some pictures from when they were friends, with insults written on the back. Cute little segment, actually.

- Commercials

- Triple H comes out, to a great ovation, with his new WWF title belt. Hey, I am a big mark for belts, and I can tell you, that is an UGLY piece of crap. Well, that’s what they get for dealing with Joe Marshall. I would go back to the OLD WWF title (88-98 version), since it has so much prestige, and, well, looks a lot better. (I still don’t care for that belt, but the Undisputed has become quite popular amongst collectors, so what do I know?) He basically says that Hogan is dead meat at Backlash, and that he’ll get to Undertaker afterwards. That draws out Hogan, to a MASSIVE ovation. Take it from someone who was there, the guy is O-V-E-R. More than Jackal, even. Even some of my friends, who hate Hogan, were marking out like nuts. HulkaMania really IS the greatest force in the universe … it’s still here all these years later. He basically promises a win, and every time the guy even slightly turns his head, the crowd breaks out in a “Hogan” chant. I swear, it was INSANE. After the cameras stopped, he did his little pose routine, and the place was near RIOT. I mean, I’ve been to over 11 shows, and this was easily the loudest I’ve EVER seen this arena get. Even for Rock and Stone Cold. It’s SCARY. Afterwards, however, we were all so tired, and so out of voice, that we could barely even TALK the rest of the night. I was ready to go right there. I mean, I basically bought the ticket in hopes of seeing Hulk Hogan, and without him there, I wouldn’t have even gone. And this was just Smackdown. My friends who went to WrestleMania at Skydome could only describe Hogan’s crowd response as “insane,” and if this was 1/7 the crowd size, that would be really crazy. (Yeah, this was absolutely bonkers. The whole show stopped dead here, as the crowd just wanted more and more from Hulk, and if it wasn’t a taped show and he had been rushed off, there might have been a riot)

- Commercials

- Edge vs. Kurt Angle: I couldn’t do more than CLAP at this point, I was so tired from the Hulkster. I mean, I barely even WATCHED this one, I was so busy discussing Hulk with my friends. The guy is incredible, and I hope he wins the WWF title at Backlash.  Slugfest to start, won by the Olympian. Angle with a GREAT German suplex, and then an equally impressive snap suplex for two. Chops, but Edge reverses into his own. He gets caught in an overhead belly to belly, however, but the Angle slam fails. Edge takes him down, and hits a reverse X-factor for two. Edge ties him up in the ropes, and then spears him twice while he’s there. Hey, neat spot. Chase around the ring allows Kurt to take over, but Edge backdrops him. Spear again, but Angle chairs him, and gets DQ’d at 3:14. Way too short again, but a really decent match, while it went on. *.

- Backstage, Torrie Wilson prepares to come out for the next match, so Billy Kidman comes up to say “no hard feelings” for tonight. That angers Tajiri, however, who says a bunch of stuff in Japanese to settle the dispute.

- Commercials

- WWF Cruiserweight Title Match: Tajiri vs. Billy Kidman: They run around eachother to start, until Tajiri ranas him. Kidman responds with a flying headscissors, so Tajiri rips his head off with a kick. To the floor, Tajiri hits the asai moonsault. Back in, he tries something off the top, but gets dropkicked for two. Tajiri with a spinkick for two, and he tries a tornado DDT, but gets powerbombed. Kidman with the star press, but it misses, and a superkick gets two for the champ. Tarantula, but Kidman dumps him to the outside. Back in, Tajiri manages to hook the tarantula (they really need to get a submission out of that one, if anyone’s going to take it seriously), but gets distracted with Torrie, and Billy rolls him up for the title at 3:16. Remember 1997, when WCW used to put on Nitro, and give matches like this ten-minutes? I miss that. *. Afterwards, Torrie and Tajiri break up.

- Backstage, Vince has a little pow-wow with Bob Holly. He wants him to beat up Maven for not bringing the Hardcore title to Smackdown. Yeah, what a loss that was. After they’re done, Stacey comes in, and flirts with Vince for a while. Yeah, this whole segment was SO worth my time.

- Commercials

- Backstage, D-Von Dudley yells at Vince for breaking up the Dudley Boyz. Vince has high hopes for D-Von, however, and calms him down. Enough Vince already for one show! I mean, there are shows he COMMENTATED on, and we saw him less than this!

- Commercials. Gee, was that segment so earth shattering that we needed a break after it to settle down?

- Maven vs. Bob Holly: Maven with a spinkick to start, getting two, so Holly beats his ass like he’s back in training school. Low blow, and an atomic drop works the … uh … dick area. Dropkick, and a slam allow Bob to go upstairs, but a move hits boot, giving Maven two. We were all just DEAD for this one. No one had the patience for this. Missile dropkick by Maven for two, but he gets slingshot powerbombed by Hardcore to end this at 2:03. Gee, I’ve had orgasms last longer than that! ¼*.

- Commercials

- Main Event: The Rock vs. Chris Jericho: Big pop for The Rock, topped only by Hogan’s. They brawl in the aisle to start, to play up the fact that they’re pissed, and then do the obligatory crowd fight for the night. Well, ya knew it was coming at some point. Jericho manages to slingshot Rock into the post, and they enter the ring. Jericho with some baseball slide dropkicks, and he chops away in the corner. We weren’t really watching this one, either, since there was a wild fight in the crowd around this point. Rock turns the table with the chops, but eats spinkick for two. Upstairs, Chris nails the missile dropkick for two. Suplex gets an arrogant two count, so he goes for the Liontamer, but Rock makes the ropes. Up again, but he gets caught this time, and superplexed off! Rock with his belly to belly suplex, and a big DDT for two. Jericho’s flying forearm misses, however, hitting the referee, but Rock still hooks the Sharpshooter. Enter Kurt Angle, but Rock beats him up with ease. That distracts him enough for Jericho to slam him, however, and go for the peoples elbow, but Rock kips up, and spinebusters him. He does HIS version, but Angle comes in with a clothesline. Angle slam, and Jericho gets the dramatic two count. That brings Edge out, who beats up Angle, and fights him to the back. We were all expecting Hogan, so Edge was BIT of a disappointment in this role. Slugfest won by Rock, but Jericho bulldogs him. Lionsault misses, however, and the Rock Bottom finishes at 8:35. Total yawner here, from two guys who can do a lot better. ¾*.

- Well, being there live I obviously have a bias towards this show. Live, it was a blast, and I had a great time. I got my HulkaMania t-shirt (Still have it, though I haven’t worn it in years), saw my favorites, and had fun with my buddies. Nothing more I could want. But as an un-biased, T.V. watching opinion, this show sucked! The wrestling wasn’t particularly good, Vince was on it a lot, and I found myself waiting for it to end already a lot of the time. Not a good sign. (Have very fond memories of attending this one, but no doubt it was far from great)