- The HITMAN383 Rant for WWF/Coliseum Video’s MORE Saturday
Night’s Main Event. I stopped by a little mom and pop store today and picked up
this and WWF’s Wrestlefest ’94. A rant on that is coming too. (This
was originally written in 2000)
- BTW, I use this system: ***** - Excellent, **** - Great,
*** - Good, **- Okay, * - Decent, DUD - Awful.
- We start off with Bret Hart telling us not to smoke, and
an add for “No Holds Barred.” Oh G-D. It gets worse as the Warrior does a Slim
Jim commercial. GREAT! (I like these more today, for the nostalgic
value)
- We get a look at some of the funnier moments in the
history of Saturday Night’s Main Event with Vince McMahon, Jesse Ventura, and
Mean Gene. Vince is from the south?
- Haircut Match: Brutus Beefcake vs. Outlaw Ron Bass:
Bass jumps him, but Beefcake knocks him outside. The match then starts
officially, and Beefcake channels Triple H and hits a high knee. He pummels the
Outlaw, and he bails. Slugfest follows (won by Brutus), but Bass gets an atomic
drop to comeback. Gutbuster hits, and he works on his ABS! Yes, his main piece
of offense is working the ABS! That goes on for about three minutes, and a
piledriver looks to finish, but Bass pulls him up at two. He continues the
offense, but can’t put Beefcake away, and Brutus gets a sleeper (popping the
crowd BIG) to end this thing at 6:51. Boring match, ¼ *. Beefcake then cuts
Bass’ hair, and does a damn good job of it. Crowd loves EVERY moment of it.
- The Rockers vs. The Brainbusters: Yes, it’s THAT
match! The Busters attack from behind, and a pier six breaks out, which Shawn
and Marty win. Shawn slams Arn off the top, and gets a Boston Crab, and another
brawl breaks out, again won by the Rockers (double superkick). Shawn suplexes
Blanchard, and works him over in typical Shawn fashion. Arn gets in, and a long
series of criss crosses ensue, one won by Shawn, and the next by Anderson. Tully tags in,
and Heenan pulls down the top rope dropping Michaels to the outside. It
backfires, however, as Heenan gets tossed from the arena. After it all settles,
Marty and Tully have a slugfest, and Marty hits an atomic drop, but the
Brainbusters outsmart him, and go to work. Jannetty with a sunset flip for a
one count, but it doesn’t help him as he stays in the Ricky Morton roll. He
tries another, this time getting two, but Tully saves. Marty and Tully do a
wrestling sequence, and then an atomic drop leaves Marty dead. The crowd is ON
FIRE here! Arn with a spinebuster slam for two, which Shawn saves. Arn doesn’t
break stride, however, and tries a Vader bomb, but it hits the knees. Hot tag
to Shawn, who cleans house on both heels. Tandem sunset flip by the Buster’s
gets a two count on Shawn, and brawl breaks out on the floor ending in a double
countout at 8:30 (?!?). The Rockers kick ass to please the crowd, but the
ending still sucks. Match ruled, however. **** ¾. Minus ¼ for the ending. I
mean it was NON-STOP action for the whole match, and had a decisive ending had
happened, this would be an easy 5-stars, but as is, **** ¾.
- The Red Rooster vs. Tito Santana: In the crowd for
this? George Stienbrener. This match is basically here for the whole Bobby
Heenan thing at the end. Tito kicks his ass to start, as George yells “FIRE
HIM!” Cute. Rooster comes back, briefly, but Tito’s one tough guy tonight,
killing him in return. Tito tries a figure four, but Heenan pulls Terry out of
the ring and smacks him around for sucking, so Taylor fights back, but doesn’t quite turn on
Bobby. He goes back in and whoops Tito for some two counts, but he can’t put
him away. VERY stiff piledriver gets two on Santana, and a stun gun sets up a
Sharpshooter, but Tito fights out. Terry bails, and Bobby smacks him around
some more, allowing Tito a roll up for three at 7:23. Heenan climbs in, and
yells at him some more, but Taylor
snaps and kills him. The crowd could not be happier. *, for the whole thing.
BTW, Heenan can sell as well as Ric Flair when he wants! (No one could sell getting
slapped quite like Bobby)
- Ted DiBiase vs. The Blue Blazer: The Blazer is Owen
Hart, for those who don’t know. Ted jumps him, and goes to work on the future
King of Harts, but Owen gets a small package for two. Backslide gets two, and
Ted comes back with a lariat. Double ax handle keeps the Blazer down, and Ted
suplexes him. Highclass Violence, by DiBiase, but Owen lands on his feet off a
backdrop, and spears him to the floor! Atomic drop on the stairs by Owen, and
some Canadian Violence. Flying crossbody for two, and the crowd is going nuts!
Backdrop by the Blazer, and a series of dropkicks. European uppercut gets two,
but DiBiase gets a powerslam out of no where for three at 3:56. Short and
sweet, ** ½. Another couple minutes, and this could have been something
special.
- WWF Title Match, Randy Savage vs. Andre the Giant:
Savage is over HUGE as a face. He goes right at the big man, but Andre IS Andre
and easily stops the assault, and chokes away. Randy tries a slam, but can’t
even TRY to get him up, because Andre is just relentless on the champ. More
choking occurs. Savage makes a comeback, and gets Andre down. The heat is
INCREDIBLE! As Savage works on the big man, Jake Roberts wanders out, and
distracts the Giant, threatening to use the snake on him. It’s good enough to
distract the big guy for the rest of the match, and he can’t mount a strong
offense anymore. Bobby gets the snake from under the ring, but, Jake chases him
in the ring, allowing Savage to beat him up. Andre gets tied up in the ropes,
however, and Jake tries to use the snake, but he barely gets away. The whole
match lasted 8:55, (plus hijinks afterwards) and Andre wins by DQ. Match REALLY
sucked, but the heat was amazing. -** ¾, however.
- The Big Boss Man vs. Jim Powers: Can you say
squash? Ray takes Jim apart, with very little offense out of Powers, and is
REALLY fat. I mean, much fatter than today. During the whole ass whipping, Boss
Man yells for Hogan. See, he and Hulky don’t like eachother. Bossman slam
finishes at 2:30. DUD. Ray then handcuff’s Jim to the ropes, and beats him down
with his nightstick.
- We get a look at Bossman attacking Hulk Hogan on WWF TV
the week before with his nightstick. They beat the hell out of Terry, and he
retaliates with an interview about how Bossman is going down, BABY!
- The Brother Love Show is up next. His scheduled guest is
Hulk Hogan, but we get Slick instead. It doesn’t last long though, as out comes
Hogan, much drier, and different looking than the interview that went on only
“moments” ago. Love antagonizes the Hulkster, pissing off the VERY pro-Hogan
crowd, by asking questions and then answering them for him. Hogan eventually
has enough, and grabs the mic. from Love, and throws out some threats at both
he and Slick. Love takes the mic. from Hogan (by force), and pisses Hulk off
further, so he beats down Slick, and then Brother Love. Crowd loves it, and
completely marks out for Hogan. I mean this was Rock levels of loud.
- Hulk Hogan vs. Akeem: This is joined in progress,
as we see Savage in the locker room cheering Hogan on (this is still before the
split), but Hulk makes a big comeback and kills Akeem, Bossman and Slick. The
big slam hits, and he goes for the big leg, but Bossman uses the nightstick
causing a DQ. 2:22 was aired, and it was a definitive DUD. After the Twin Towers
beat down Hogan, they cuff Liz, but Savage comes out to make the save. Well
that whole thing sucked.
- Slick and the Bossman cut a promo backstage. The gist of
it is that Bossman is gonna beat Hogan in the steel cage. Slick also promises a
surprise for Hogan.
- WWF Title, Steel Cage Match: Hulk Hogan vs. The Big
Boss Man: This is a very famous match, BTW. Slick wastes no time bringing
out his surprise, ZEUS. Yeah, I care. This is post WrestleMania V, too, as Savage
is not with Hogan and Hulk has the belt. (May 1989) They dragged this feud on
for a while, eh? Zeus attacks Hogan before the match, and leaves him dead on
the floor, so Bossman takes him in the cage on his own, and chokes him with his
own shirt. Hulk makes a quick comeback, and punches the big guy, and gets the
big boot. He climbs, but Bossman quickly stops the effort and pummels him. Slam
by Ray, and a splash, are enough for him to go to the door. Hulk stops him, and
a slugfest ensues, which Hogan wins, but Bossman gets a spinebuster. He climbs,
and is almost to the floor, but Hogan BARELY stops him, and SUPERPLEXES HIM OFF
THE TOP! WHOA! Go with the workrate, Hulk! Both guys are dead after that, and
Earl counts them down for some reason. Hulk pops up, however, and crawls for
the door, but Bossman dives on his ankle. Lariat by the fat man, and Slick
tosses a chain in. Choking ensues. He decks Hulk with it, but a double knock
into the cage keeps them both down. Bossman makes an attempt to escape, but
Hogan rams him to the turnbuckle, and then gets the chain. Ray blades (on
camera, and before the first shot) and then Hogan drops the leg. You know,
everyone KNEW Bossman would blade, because he wore wrist tape. He NEVER wears
wrist tape. Hulk starts to climb, but Slick runs in the cage and grabs the
ankle, so Hulk shoves him off. He nails Slick with the handcuffs, and then
cuffs Bossman to the rope. Hogan starts to climb, as Slick unlocks the cuffs,
and it’s a foot race, which Hogan wins at 10:02. Slick is still in the cage,
however, and Hogan murders him. The match is DEFENITLY overrated by people, and
is better for story than actual action. The superplex is something special, and
the rest is solid stuff, so it isn’t a total waste, or anything. ** ¼.
- Bottom Line: Well, this is a pretty damn cool look
at one of the WWF’s coolest shows back in the day, Saturday Night’s Main Event.
The action is pretty good with the Brainbusters/Rocker’s match, and the
DiBiase/Owen match. Anything that wasn’t that great (as a match) was cool in
other ways (such as storyline), or just solid, like Hogan/Bossman, Taylor/Tito,
and Andre/Savage. Overall it’s pretty fun to watch, and a lot of famous stuff
happens like the Rooster/Heenan split, Hogan/Bossman in the cage, and the
Rocker’s match. Definitely worth a look, if you can sit through the LONG build
up of Hogan/Bossman.
- Recommended.
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